:: Wonderful Jocks ::

Baniya: Yeh kela(banana) kaisay diya?
Shopkeeper: 1Rs.
Baniya: 60 Paisa ka deta hai?
S.K: 60 paise mein to sirf chilka milega.
Baniya:Ley 40 paisay, chilka rakh aur kela day de
 
 Baniya on his death time.
My wife, where r u ?
Wife:Yes, I’m here
My sons daughters ru all here?
Yes, Papa
Baniya:To phir brabar wale kamre
ka pankha Q khula hay ??? :D:D:D  
 
Baniya 14th floor se neche gira
Girte waqt usne
apni ghar ki khirki me
apni wife ko roti pakate hue dekha
to chilla k bola
MERI ROTI NAHI PAKANA!
 
 
Baniya ne sheikh ko khoon dey k uski jaan bachai.
Sheikh ne usay MERCEDEZ gift kardi.
Sheikh ko phir khoon ki zarorut pari,
Baniya ne phir khoon dia.
Ab k bar Sheikh ne till waly laddu gift kiye,
Baniya:Ghusse se, mercedez kion nahi di?
Sheikh:Munna…!! Ab hamarey ander bhi baniye ka khoon dor raha hay:)
 
 
Baniya called a newspaper office and asked: Mera Chacha Mar gaya hai, kya charges hongay?
NewsPaper: Rs.50 per word.
Baniya: Oh bohat ziyada hain, Acha likho "Chacha Guzar Gaye".
Newspaper: Sir! It should be minimum 6 words!
Baniya: Oh ho! Jara sochnay do..... Acha likho....... ......... .
Chacha Guzar Gaye - Maruti for Sale .
 
Baniya asks Taxi Driver: CP wale gurudware jayega kya?
Taxi Driver: Han jaon ga.
Baniya ne jaib se lunchbox nikala or kaha:
Wapsi main langar ka khana lete aana.
 
 
Baniya ko bhoot charh gaya ,
3 din baad bhoot khud ek ojha k paas gaya aur bola,
Ojha sahab mujhe bahar Nikalo..! Warna me to bhookha hi mar jaon ga
 
 
Titanic K Sath Baniya Bhi Doob Raha Tha
Aur Hans Bhi Raha Tha
Dost: Oye Hans Kyun Raha Hai?
Baniya: Shukar Hai Main Ne Return Ticket Nahi Khareeda
• Mother: So, you want to become my son-in-law?
Boy: Not really, but I don't see any other way to marry your daughter

• Two women were talking about their new milkman.
First: He's very good looking, punctual & dresses so smartly.
And so quickly too!, said the other.

• Santa & Banta were walking in the highlands then suddenly Santa fell down in a deep hole.
Banta: Are you ok?
Santa: Fine thanks!
Banta: Did you break anything?
Santa: No, there's nothing down here!

• An old: Doc, I think I'm getting senile. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up.
Doc: That's not senility. Senility is when you forget to zip down.

• Boss: We are very keen on cleanliness. Did you wipe your feet on the mat as you came in?
New employee: Yes, sir.
Boss: We are also keen on truthfulness. There is no mat.

• It isn't widely known, but the first toilet seat was invented by an Irish scientist in the 18th century. The invention was later modified by an English inventor who put a hole in the seat.

• There is a sign in the toilet of the Sex Change Clinic. It reads "We may never piss this way again."

• Santa always leave an empty milk carton in the refrigerator just in case someone wants their coffee black.

• Guide: I welcome u all to the Niagra falls. These are the world's largest waterfalls & the sound intensity of the waterfall is so high, sound of even 20 supersonic planes passing can't b heard! Now may I request the ladies to keep quiet so that we can hear the Niagra Falls??

• A blonde calls a mechanic 2 fix her car, he gets it goin in 2 minutes.
What was the prob?
Just shit in the air filter
How often do I hv to do that?

• Santa falls in luv with a nurse... After much thinking, he finally writes a love letter to her: "I luv u sister."

• Q: Why dogs don't marry?
A: Because they are already leading a dog's life!

• A history teacher & his wife were sitting at a table. The wife asked. 'Anything new at work?'
He replied, 'No, I'm teaching History.'

• Two old ladies were attending a rather long church service. One leaned over & whispered: My butt is going to sleep. 'I know,' replied the other, 'I heard it snore three times.'

• Q: What's the diff between mother & wife?
A: One woman brings into the world crying & the other ensures you continue to do so.

• A guy took a part time job as an opinion poll sampler, calling people for their views on various issues. On his very first call, he introduced myself, "Hello, this is a telephone poll."
A man on the other end replied, "Yeah, and this is a street light!"

• Santa enters kitchen, opens sugar container, looks inside and closes it. He does this again and again. Why?
Because his Doctor told him to check sugar level regularly.

• Boss: I'll give you 3000 per month and in three months, I'll raise it to 6000. So when would you like to start?
Santa: In 3 months.

• A girl proposed to Santa and he denied simply saying that in our family, we marry only our relatives. My mom married my dad, my brother married my bhabhi , my uncle married my aunt and so on. So please excuse me !!!!!

• I took my secretary to lunch the other day, and I discovered she was not the old fashioned type. After two old fashions she couldn't type.

NEW JOCKS

Uncle Auntie

dabe mein daba dabe mein kharghosh,
uncle nae ankh mari anute behosh......:)

I Love U

I love u, I love u, I love u, I love u, I love u, I love u, I love u.
Hey! Don''t get excited,
I love other alphabets too... v, w, x, y, z !

Sardar Jee

Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which has Clock Tower
when someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower.
Sardarji says "Yes".
"Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The man took the
thousand and disappeared. Having waited for several hours the Sardarji
figured he was taken for a ride. On the next day the Sardarji is again
walking along the same street and the same man asks him to buy the
clock. "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder."
The Sardarji gives him the thousand and says "I am not a fool.This
time, you wait and I'll go get a ladder."

A Few Good Lawyers

A lawyer is standing in a long line at the box office. Suddenly, he
feels a pair of hands kneading his shoulders, back, and neck. The lawyer turns around.
"What the hell do you think you're doing?"
"I'm a chiropractor, and I'm just keeping in practice while I'm waiting in line."
"Well, I'm a lawyer, but you don't see me screwing the guy in front of me, do you?"

Ghayal

Safed saari par jab tum laalbindi lagati ho
khuda ki kasam ambulance nazar aati ho
farq sirf itna hai ke wo ghayal ko le jati hai
or tum ghayal kar jati ho ;)

Pathan (Chawal)

janab patan: eak dookan per jata hai aor kata hai40 wala chawal hai.
dukan daar: je hai
janab patan:eak kulo dado
dukan daar: je janab
janab patan : 40 wala chawal kitna ka diya hai.

Aag Per Qabu

Aik haseen-o-jameel adaakara ke ghar aag lag gaee ..aag par qabu panay
main 10 minut lagay.....aor.......aag bujhany walon per qabu panay main
40 minut lagay

Jhoot

uncle aik bachay se kehte hain : beta aik acha sa jhoot bolo agar mujhe
pasand agaya to main tumhien paanch rupay doon ga
bacha masoomiat se : yeh lo ! abhi to das rupay kahay thay .... !!!!

Ticket

Banta Singh happened to be in a queue at a railway
station ticket counter with two men ahead of him.
'Ek Punjab Mail dena.' demanded the man in front.
He was given a ticket. 'Ek Punjab Mail dena.'
the second man asked & was handed a ticket.
Then came the turn of Banta Singh, 'Ek Punjab female dena!'
'What do u mean by Punjab female?' asked the clerk.
'It is for my wife' replied Banta Singh

Sardaar Jee

Do sardar jee motor cycle per bomblay kar jarahay thay,
Rastay main speed breaker ki waja say jhatkay lag rahay thay,
Sardar jee ka dost bola yaar aaram say gari chalao kahi bomb na phatjain,
Sardar jee...Oo tussi fiker hi naker assi kay pass dosra bhi tu bomb hay. :)

Upper

aik sharabi raatkay waqat apnay dost kay sath jaraha hota hay. rastay
main talab per nazar parhti hay tu us main us ko chand dikhta hay woh apny dost say
kahta hay yaar ye kia hay.dost kehta hay chand hay. sharabi hairan ho ker
yaar hum log itnay upper aagaiy ;)

Love

love is heat
but very sweat
four lips meet
love is complete

Sardaar The Best

Santa Singh goes to a TV shop and asks, 'Aap ke paas color TV hai kya?'
'Haan' replies shopowner. Santa Singh says, 'Ek hara vala dena!'

Sardar The gr8

A sardar calls another sardar on the phone & says "Hi, Main Bol Raha Hoon".
The other sardar replies "Kamaal Hain,Ithe bhi Main Bol Raha Hoon!"

Break Nahi Maar Sakty Thy ???

Ek pathan Cycle chalaty aur gungunaty howe kahin ja raha tha rasty mein ek Aurat se takra betha.
Aurat chilla kar boli "Break nahi maar sakty thy kia ??? "
Pathan herat se... "Pora cycle mar deya abhi break mar kar kia faida."

Purana Maal

Burhiya:Aray dekho iss kambakhat maare ko mere sath larki ja rahi he
osse nahi dekh raha kab se mujhe taare chala ja ria he...!
Aadmi:Aray..! amma darasal ye kabaria he purana maal dekh raha he.

Dimples

Ustaad: Bete, aap jab hanste hen to aap ke dimples parte hen aap bohat
ache lagte hen dil chahta he aap ko piyar karloon.
Bacha: Sir, mujhse ziyada dimple to mere ammi ke parte hen.

Naak

Aik lerki apny boy friend k sath nai garri main long drive par ja rahi thi
achanak larki kehnay lagi.....suno !
kia tum aik haath se garri chala saktay ho ?
kioon nahi.....larkay ne bare fakher se garden akraaii...
larki ne aahista se kaha..........
"to phir doosray haath se apni naak saaf kar lo "

Machiss

Sardar : Apne bete se bola, Bevakuf...kaisa machis leke aaya hai, ek bhi tili nahin jalti.
Beta : Kya baat karte ho papa, sab tili test karke laya hu.

Blood Group

Doctor : App ka aur aapki biwi ka blood group ek hi hai?
Sardaar : Hoga, Jarur hoga; 25 saalse mera khoon jo pee rahi hai....

Surprise

Nurse - "Mubarak ho.. Sardarji.. aap papa ban gaye.."
Sardarji - " Meri wife ko nahi bolna.. main usey SURPRISE doonga..!"

Yaad

HUM NEY UN KI YAAD MAIN RO RO KAR MATKEY BHAR DIYE
WO BEWAFA AYE AUR NAHA KAR CHAL DIYE

Sanam

Neend mujhey raat bhar aati hai kam ,
Shayad macharon ko bi mil gaya hai sanam ..

Scene

Tujh bin zindagi ka tasawar hi nehi hai ,
Tere sang ho zindagi aisa bi koi scene nehi hai

Haseen

Iss dunya mein, tum he sab sey haseen ho
mein aur kahon jhot kitna, ke tum ko yaqeen ho

Dar

rooz khawab mein nazar aatey ho tum
kio mujhey neend mein bi daratay ho tum

Ziadtee

kal raat machar ne kata mere chehre par,
dil mien junoon tha...aankhoon mien khoon tha,
uthaya ussay masal dene k liye par khayal aya,
kambakht mien apna hi khoon tha